I bought my father a tub of Haagen Daz for his birthday through Instacart. Some dude named Richard dropped it off but the store only had “Coney Island Dreams'' and not Dulce de leche. I was in Florida at the time. Made the order in between my intermittent date app swipes. Guys are weird in Florida; I always have this fear that I will match with a “Florida man” who's just really good at acting and then he will shove me into his Trump stamped pick-up truck. The other day I went to the grocery store with my mother, something around the name of Palm Oak Farm. I began my minor panic attack when I saw a cardboard cut-out of Mike Lindell, the pillow man, and it was only until checkout when I noticed the image of baby Trump on display.
I came up with a bit at the dinner table about the Floridian Trumpsters. It had a twang of Paula Deen’s accent and the character always emphasized their love for whiteness; often it went like this, “You know what I love better than white and whiteness? Red, White, and Blue.”
As soon as I got back, I noticed that dad didn’t like coney island dreams because the tub was full at the bottom of the freezer. That same day I went to the bookstore with the half priced books only to find a guy in consulting I went on a date with a while ago, but on a date with another girl. I smiled and didn’t make much of it but my tongue held back on the “remember me motherfucker?”